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the influenc

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DEVELOPING GRACE IN TWO EASY STEPS


Written By: Melissa Maria Fragomeni
Owner of Melissa Maria Coaching


Cue the mental mean girl: 

What were you thinking when you created that course module? 

Who do you think you even are? How can you possibly lead this group?

You looked like an idiot in that Facebook live, and now people aren’t going take you seriously!

The things we say to ourselves are usually pretty darn negative-- they’re hurtful, judgemental, and sometimes downright cruel… even though we know that we need to be just as kind to ourselves as we are to others.

We know we need to think positively, and we know that we should start our day by repeating affirmations we posted on our mirrors out loud. 
We know we need to practice self-love and we know that we need to do the things that light us up inside. 
We also know that getting out there and facing our fears, is going to create more positive change than if we stay inside the comfortable cocoon of our insecurities.

For some reason, no matter how much personal development work we do, we still invite our mean girl along for every ride, every thought, every decision... 

It is because of our little tag-along mean girl that you need to hear this:

You aren’t doing anything wrong. You just weren’t taught to swap out that inner Regina George with Grace-- not a person named Grace, just pure and simple Grace; the best ingredient that life has to offer.

Huh? What are you talking about?

Grace is something special that we have inside ourselves and can access anytime we need it. 

The way I picture it, grace is what helps us create space within ourselves and gift space to ourselves, acting as a buffer between us and our--sometimes intrusive--thoughts, our actions, other people, and potential conflict. Grace gives us the space needed to take a step back; to grab our biased view of life by the horns and move it aside to see the bigger picture more clearly than we could before. Grace affords us the clarity that allows us to look more objectively, or at the very least, more positively, at the situation presented before us. It doesn’t mean glossing over everything and pretending nothing went wrong, but about facing and accessing the situation with less judgement and more love.

When we can take a step back from bullfighting our biased view of life to see and understand things from a different and more open-minded perspective, we cannot hear the inner mean girl as loudly or as clearly as we usually do. After all, what’s mean girl to a Matador?

We know we are human beings, but when it comes to ourselves, we can be unforgiving. If we’re new at something, we beat ourselves up and expect to be a million steps ahead. If we mess up, we overanalyze the mistake and obsess about it all.day.long. If we say something silly, if we wear the wrong shirt, or if we are building our empires in a less efficient way, we think we don’t have what it takes and second-guess ourselves at every turn. What do we do then? What do we do when we identify as failures in any degree? We lose trust in ourselves and also lose our confidence. 

Let’s try tapping into grace for one second.

First: zoom out. Look at the bigger picture. In the grand scheme of things, how did that one action or decision you made affect your life, your business, your relationship? Is it terrible and cannot be undone? What if it was the best you could have done? Be careful not to get so carried away or zoom out so much you can’t see clearly anymore--it’s easy for fear and panic to connect a ripple in a pond to a tsunami half a world away.

Second: breathe. Breathe deeply. Inhale compassion, love, and kindness. Reflect on the situation. Are you doing or giving your best? Are you accepting that you are right on time, that you are learning and growing, and that you are an amazing person regardless?

After doing the two steps above, how do you feel? 

Better, right? 

One thing I can say to you, friend, is that you can access grace anytime. Remember, zoom out and breathe. Zoom out and breathe. Then, for every situation you encounter, zoom out and breathe. 

When we allow ourselves to do that, we can do anything. We can persevere and carry on instead of quitting too early. We can grow and learn instead of feeling like we are failures. We can continually move towards our goals instead of losing sight of them by the third mile of a long-term marathon. Grace gives us the opportunity to keep moving forward instead of crumbling over every obstacle we find along the way. Grace gives us the chance to keep picking ourselves back up.

Before you know it, you have been strengthening that self-trust muscle you have been needing all along. If you want to show the world what you have to offer or if you want to be heard, nothing will make you crumble quite like it used to. When you access the grace you have inside of you, the kindness, patience, space, and love you are giving to yourself will help you trust the decisions you make and the purpose you have on this planet.

So the next time your inner mean girl comes for a visit, zoom her out until she is a small speck on a large and beautiful painting, and breathe in the goodness you need in that moment.  

By: Melissa Maria Fragomeni
Owner of Melissa Maria Coaching

Cue the mental mean girl: 

What were you thinking when you created that course module? 

Who do you think you even are? How can you possibly lead this group?

You looked like an idiot in that Facebook live, and now people aren’t going take you seriously!

The things we say to ourselves are usually pretty darn negative-- they’re hurtful, judgemental, and sometimes downright cruel… even though we know that we need to be just as kind to ourselves as we are to others.

We know we need to think positively, and we know that we should start our day by repeating affirmations we posted on our mirrors out loud. 
We know we need to practice self-love and we know that we need to do the things that light us up inside. 
We also know that getting out there and facing our fears, is going to create more positive change than if we stay inside the comfortable cocoon of our insecurities.

For some reason, no matter how much personal development work we do, we still invite our mean girl along for every ride, every thought, every decision... 

It is because of our little tag-along mean girl that you need to hear this:

You aren’t doing anything wrong. You just weren’t taught to swap out that inner Regina George with Grace-- not a person named Grace, just pure and simple Grace; the best ingredient that life has to offer.

Huh? What are you talking about?

Grace is something special that we have inside ourselves and can access anytime we need it. 

The way I picture it, grace is what helps us create space within ourselves and gift space to ourselves, acting as a buffer between us and our--sometimes intrusive--thoughts, our actions, other people, and potential conflict. Grace gives us the space needed to take a step back; to grab our biased view of life by the horns and move it aside to see the bigger picture more clearly than we could before. Grace affords us the clarity that allows us to look more objectively, or at the very least, more positively, at the situation presented before us. It doesn’t mean glossing over everything and pretending nothing went wrong, but about facing and accessing the situation with less judgement and more love.

When we can take a step back from bullfighting our biased view of life to see and understand things from a different and more open-minded perspective, we cannot hear the inner mean girl as loudly or as clearly as we usually do. After all, what’s mean girl to a Matador?

We know we are human beings, but when it comes to ourselves, we can be unforgiving. If we’re new at something, we beat ourselves up and expect to be a million steps ahead. If we mess up, we overanalyze the mistake and obsess about it all.day.long. If we say something silly, if we wear the wrong shirt, or if we are building our empires in a less efficient way, we think we don’t have what it takes and second-guess ourselves at every turn. What do we do then? What do we do when we identify as failures in any degree? We lose trust in ourselves and also lose our confidence. 

Let’s try tapping into grace for one second.

First: zoom out. Look at the bigger picture. In the grand scheme of things, how did that one action or decision you made affect your life, your business, your relationship? Is it terrible and cannot be undone? What if it was the best you could have done? Be careful not to get so carried away or zoom out so much you can’t see clearly anymore--it’s easy for fear and panic to connect a ripple in a pond to a tsunami half a world away.


Second: breathe. Breathe deeply. Inhale compassion, love, and kindness. Reflect on the situation. Are you doing or giving your best? Are you accepting that you are right on time, that you are learning and growing, and that you are an amazing person regardless?

After doing the two steps above, how do you feel? 

Better, right? 

One thing I can say to you, friend, is that you can access grace anytime. Remember, zoom out and breathe. Zoom out and breathe. Then, for every situation you encounter, zoom out and breathe. 

When we allow ourselves to do that, we can do anything. We can persevere and carry on instead of quitting too early. We can grow and learn instead of feeling like we are failures. We can continually move towards our goals instead of losing sight of them by the third mile of a long-term marathon. Grace gives us the opportunity to keep moving forward instead of crumbling over every obstacle we find along the way. Grace gives us the chance to keep picking ourselves back up.

Before you know it, you have been strengthening that self-trust muscle you have been needing all along. If you want to show the world what you have to offer or if you want to be heard, nothing will make you crumble quite like it used to. When you access the grace you have inside of you, the kindness, patience, space, and love you are giving to yourself will help you trust the decisions you make and the purpose you have on this planet.

So the next time your inner mean girl comes for a visit, zoom her out until she is a small speck on a large and beautiful painting, and breathe in the goodness you need in that moment.  


 



Written By: 
Melissa Maria Fragomeni
Owner of Melissa Maria Fragomeni

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